ANDRE BEGIN

Back in my career days, I thought I was pretty good at small talk. Whenever I attended a meeting with colleagues from other teams, as long as I kept in the loop about other projects underway, it was fairly easy to strike up a conversation and ask how things were going.

If a new employee was starting on our team and I had a glimpse at their CV, it was easy to ask them questions about themselves while giving them the grand tour, introducing them to the team, and showing them the ropes.

When it came to discussions with people outside of the office, there were any number of topics we could discuss, whether traffic, commuting, dining, or retail establishments.

With shared circumstances and experiences, small talk was relatively easy. I look back and think how lucky we were back then.

Then, three things happened: the pandemic, remote work, and retirement. I think the combination of all three took me out of the familiar and placed me into new territory, literally and metaphorically. When everything and everyone is new, it’s difficult to be conversant about shared experiences when you don’t know what you have in common.

I was reminded of this recently while I was waiting outside my doctor’s office for a rideshare, as a delightful woman in a wheelchair was waiting for her transportation.

At one point, she was fiddling with something in her bag when she dropped a candy bar. Being the polite Canadian that I am, I immediately asked, “Can I pick that up for you?” She graciously accepted my offer, confessing that she couldn’t quite bend down far enough. Then a conversation ensued about the family doctor we both shared, and whom we had both been seeing for several years. When we had finished with that topic, I dropped the conversation ball. Not deliberately; I just wasn’t quite sure where to go next without crossing boundaries because healthcare is certainly a personal matter.

And I wonder if that’s perhaps where my problem lies when speaking with strangers. When I really don’t know someone, and I don’t know what topics are within or out of bounds, I think I prefer not to take a chance. Sure, there are some topics I could launch into that are generally safe, but these days, it’s still hard to know for sure.

Also, I’m not one who naturally gravitates to seeking attention. I’d rather not bother anyone.

After the rideshare driver picked me up, I was mentally kicking myself for not engaging with her more. But the fact of the matter is, I wasn’t prepared. That’s where I thought maybe it was time for me to do some research online to seek out and prepare open-ended questions.

Why is small talk important to me now? It’s one thing to be in my safe little bubble to write, but if I want to make meaningful connections with my community of romance writers, filmmakers, and fellow bloggers, I need to brush up on my networking skills, just like I did in my earlier career. Those friendships can help make the creative journey a much less lonely space when having colleagues who completely understand the challenges we collectively face.

Also, one never knows when I might face an important conversation with an individual who might be interested in one of my screenplays. It would be great to have such conversations without feeling stage fright or dropping the ball. That being the case, I say to myself that chatting with a stranger for a low-stakes, easy conversation is good practice.

And so began my quest, trying to find light topics, leading to open-ended questions, and then seizing opportunities to put them into practice. The topics the internet suggested included the weather, current events, TV, movies, and nearby stores or restaurants.

In hindsight, I could have asked the woman if the candy bar she dropped was her favourite, how her transportation service works, or where she got the great duffle bag (… it really was cool!)

As I have found out, it’s very easy to get rusty, but speaking with strangers when the opportunity presents itself shouldn’t be a daunting task. With a little preparation, some open-ended, general questions, and being fully in the moment to go with the flow of conversation, we can both walk away with a serendipitous moment of levity in an otherwise busy day, and a great story to tell when we both get home.

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Sincere thanks for reading!
Have a great day,
André