Librarian Jokes

Not too long ago, I found a joke on social media that started with “I asked the librarian for…” and ended with a funny one-liner.

I am not sure why it struck a chord like it did, but it set my brain on an endless loop, trying to come up with one-liners of my own. While I certainly wouldn’t categorize myself as a comedy writer, I had a lot of fun with “I asked the librarian for…” as a writing prompt. This is the result:

I asked the librarian for books on comedy. She said, “That’s a funny question.”
I asked the librarian for books about joy. She said she’d be happy to help!
I asked the librarian for books about exaggerations. She said that was the strangest question ever asked in the history of libraries.
I asked the librarian for books about intuition. She said she knew I would ask that.
I asked the librarian for books about silence. She didn’t answer.
I asked the librarian for books about fractures. She said, “Give me a break!”
I asked the librarian for books about wheels. Her answers kept going around in circles.
I asked the librarian for books about hysteria. She slapped me.
I asked the librarian for books about dental hygiene. She smiled
I asked the librarian for books about warm destinations. She said, “Go to hell!”
I asked the librarian for books about tipping. She said, “That will be five dollars.”
I asked the librarian for books about toilets. She directed me to a crappy selection.
I asked the librarian for books about procrastination. She said she’d get back to me.
I asked the librarian for books about rockets. She told me to take off.
I asked the librarian for books about steamrollers. She asked if this was a pressing request.
I asked the librarian for books about minimalism. She handed me a leaflet and said that was all they had.
I asked the librarian for books about assertiveness. She asked if I was really sure that was what I wanted.
I asked the librarian for books about cars. She said I was driving her crazy with these requests.
I asked the librarian for books about analysis. She asked if I really thought it through before asking.
I asked the librarian for books about clarity in communications. She asked what I meant by that.
I asked the librarian if she had books about dealing with indecision. She said, “Well, yes and no.”
I asked the librarian for books about magic. She went behind the counter and disappeared.
I asked the librarian for books about exceptional circumstances. She said that on rare occasions they do have some.
I asked the librarian for books about conditions. She said it depends on a number of factors.
I asked the librarian for books about drama queens. She proceeded to tell me about how horrible her sister was ten years ago when she borrowed a sweater and stretched it so it never fit right again, so she’d never forgive her as long as she’d live because it was her most favourite sweater in the whole world, that she got on a Boxing Day sale, that the last one in her size, and it was 75% off…
… Which, coincidentally, also answered my question about books containing boring stories.
I asked the librarian for books about compassion. She said she understood and was here for me.
I asked the librarian for books about charity. She handed me a $20 bill, some woolly socks and a hot meal.
I asked the librarian for books about client service. After handing me a stack of books, she asked if I was pleased with the service she provided, if I could please fill out a short survey for a chance to win a $100 gift card, to please cone again and to have a lovely day.

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Sincere thanks for reading!
Have a great day,
André

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Filed under Fiction, Humour

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