ANDRE BEGIN

Back in my twenties, shortly after I had moved out on my own and was learning the principles of adulting, I took life decisions pretty seriously.

Because of that, whenever I faced a big life decision, I’d turn to family, friends, and coworkers for advice. I guess it was a pattern that I followed fairly consistently, given that on one occasion, my boss laughed when I asked him such a question, and he responded, “Oh! André’s taking another poll!”

When faced with a question for which an answer wasn’t obvious to me, why shouldn’t I lean on people who might be able to lend an informed opinion that might help me avoid making a costly mistake?

For the most part, I’d say this process helped me make balanced decisions and manage some of the risk (not to mention some of the fear) associated with certain transactions.

However, once I had made a decision, committed to it and taken the plunge, why is it that in conversations that followed, when I’d proudly mention this next big step, certain people would share their worst horror stories on that theme, which made me second guess my decision?

It didn’t matter what the transaction was, but there was always someone there AFTER I had made my decision who was more than eager to scare the bejesus out of me with a dire tale of woe, misfortune and regret.

Naturally, this would send my hobby of worrying into overdrive well past my bedtime, leaving me in a pool of sweat, wrestling with questions like “Oh no, what have I done?” “Have I made a mistake?” or “Am I screwed?”

Where were they before I made my decision? Where were they on the day I took my poll?

And therein lies the answer.

It took me a while to figure it out, but my standard operating procedure was fine. The people that I hadn’t consulted had different outlooks on life that didn’t necessarily mesh with mine. That’s probably why I didn’t reach out to them in the first place.

Instead, I chose to “poll” people whose perspectives were more aligned with my own, which lent itself to opinions I valued. The result was good decisions that never caused me regret.

At first, it bothered me when I was offered upsetting stories after I had made my decisions, but everything turned out to be fine in the end. Plus, even if things didn’t turn out exactly as planned, I had (and still have) great resources to fall back on to figure things out.

With age, wisdom, and caring less about what people thought, I eventually learned to accept the after-the-fact unsolicited advice with a nod and a simple, “That’s interesting. I’m so sorry that happened to you,” and to leave things as they were.

What was the point of worrying about something rather than trusting the polling results from people whose opinions I valued and trusted, who were proven correct time and time again?

For that reason, even today, my takeaway is that I shouldn’t let unsolicited advice get to me. I need to let it go and roll off like water on a duck’s back. I don’t ignore it completely, out of an abundance of caution in case a red flag from an unsolicited story might occur, but those cases have been rare.

Just the same, as I have gotten older and have learned to trust my gut, I tend to take fewer polls before major life decisions. After six decades, I think I know what’s right for me. That being the case, I no longer worry or get worked up about the opinions of people I wouldn’t have reached out to in the first place.

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Sincere thanks for reading!
Have a great day,
André