Things That Keep Me Up At Night

CountingSheep
I consider myself a pretty sound sleeper. Once I am out, I am out for the night. But yet there are still nights that my mind races with thoughts like this:

“When is 20th Century Fox going to change its name?”

“To prune or not to prune the blog?”

“Did I lock the front door?” (pause) “Yes, I did.”

“I before e except after c or when sounded as a such as neighbour and weigh”(… and then trying to think of all the possibilities to be sure they didn’t miss one)

“Would I come back as a contractor?”

“What will I wear tomorrow?”

“If the office is supposedly going to a paperless environment, why do I feel like I spent half of my day at the shredder today?”

“Who are the guys who said we’d save so much time with computers? I guess they weren’t anticipating software upgrades that suck up a whole evening… or cat pictures on Instagram.”

“If a cat gets restless legs syndrome, is it twice as bad as in humans?”

“How is it that I have lived 50 years and fashions of the 1920’s haven’t come back in style yet? That looked like a fun decade.”

“How do the big doors on The Price Is Right work?”

“Did I lock the front door?” (pause) “Yes, I did.”

“Did I take my allergy meds before bed?” (pause) “Yes, I did.”

“What’s that noise?”

“I’ve lived here 15 years. How can there be new house noises I’ve never heard before?”

“If there’s a serious accident in a hospital parking lot, would they send an ambulance?”

“How much would an ambulance pay in parking, if there was a serious accident in a hospital parking lot and they sent an ambulance?”

“How is it that we have sound recording devices, we have devices to capture visuals, but we don’t have smell recorders? It would be so cool to record the smells of flowers that are only in-season a short time or the aromas of places visited on vacation and replay them on dark, cold winter days.”

“Temperatures in Fahrenheit seem warmer than in Celsius. Can we go back?”

“Why don’t golfers yell ‘five’, ‘six’ or ‘seven’?”

“What was her name again?”

“Milk, bananas, apples, yogurt, gluten-free bread, tissues, paper towels, garbage bags…”

“Did I lock the front door?” (pause) “Yes, I did.”

“Did I take my allergy meds before bed? (pause) “Yes, I did.”

“Do I need to go to the bathroom again? (pause) “No, I don’t think so.”

“Do I need a drink of water? (pause) “No, I don’t think so.”

“What happened to Christopher in the last episode of the Dallas reboot? You don’t cancel a show after a finale like that.”

“Hmm.. I wonder if they would do a Knots Landing reboot?”

“Will I live to see another time where daytime TV is back-to-back game shows on several channels (like it was in the mid 1970’s)?”

“Next time I do a round of decluttering maybe I can toss a few of those magazines out… and maybe there’s something in that box in the closet that can go to donation” (…and then proceeding with an inventory (in my head) of the house contents and making decisions on what else I can get rid of).

My trick for calming the racing mind at bed time is pretty simple: a little relaxing music and some light reading to refocus the mind away from the concerns like those above. Once I start getting tired and I think I am ready for bed, I close the book, turn off the music, and turn off the lights. Generally, my mind is still processing the story and less concerned with the monologue above. If it doesn’t work, the book comes out again… and again… until Mr. Sandman brings me a dream.

Did you enjoy this post? If you did, please know that there are plenty more where that came from! If you haven’t already, you can check out the rest of my blog at andrebegin.net. From there, you can click on the “Follow” button to receive future posts directly in your inbox.
Also, don’t be shy, feel free to tell a friend or to share the link.
Sincere thanks for reading!
Have a great day,
André

Advertisements

Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, Top 10

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s