25 Ways to Jinx Things

On a recent drive to work, I marvelled at how traffic seemed unusually better. It was mid-week, there should have been more traffic, there was a light snow falling, the roads were a little greasy, there could have been accidents, but I was making it to work in record time. I was one exit away from my destination when I dared to say out loud “Wow, I made it in good time!”

BIG MISTAKE!… HUGE!

As soon as I turned the corner after that big overpass, there were line-ups galore. There was indeed an accident ahead, backing up traffic in all lanes. You would think I would have known better.

It just seems that I have a talent for making joyful upbeat comments like that and then for something to come along and prove me wrong… within seconds.

I think it’s a talent, my partner thinks otherwise. Funny enough, he knows exactly when I am about to say one of those, as I don’t even have to open my mouth and he will interject with a smile, “Don’t say it!”, pre-empting my overly positive observation. But he is absolutely right.

Similarly, have you ever noticed how a fresh litter box will usually get a cat’s bladder or bowels (or both) moving within minutes? Or how a clean kitchen floor becomes an instant food magnet? These are the types of situations I am referring to.

I am not suggesting that the litter box or kitchen should not be cleaned. Quite the contrary, keep those spotless, but don’t forget to laugh when your bright and sunny achievement is suddenly obscured by big dark clouds. It is just proof that life itself comes with sense of humour too.

I hear I am not alone. Do you recognize any of these sayings which usually lead to less than ideal results?

1-“It’s late February and I still haven’t caught a cold this season”.
2-“That wasn’t so hard” (before the task has been fully completed).
3-“I haven’t had a speeding/parking ticket in x years”.
4-“I haven’t had an accident in x years.
5-“Hey, it’s been weeks since (insert name of pet) has jumped on a counter”.
6-“That has never happened to me!”
7-“We made good time (before arriving).”
8-“Oh good, the line/queue is finally moving.”
9-“You really should watch this TV show, it’s great.” (only to be cancelled a week or two later)
10-“OMG, this is the best product ever!” (only to have it discontinued shortly thereafter)
11-“You really must try (insert name of restaurant), the food there is amazing” (only to find it closed when the friend tried to make a reservation)
12-“The service at (insert name of establishment) is phenomenal. You really should try it. (For the friend it turns out to be the worst customer service experience ever!)
13-“I am on a winning streak.”
14-“Absolutely, I’m 100% positive!”
15-“The weather is great there at this/that time of year.”
16-“I’ve done this a million times before.”
17-“This recipe is so easy.”
18-“No, my computer hasn’t been giving me any trouble.”
19-“I’ve been really lucky. My car hasn’t needed major repairs.”
20-“I love (insert brand name) appliances. They have given me no trouble since I got them”.
21-“The (insert name of sport team) are way ahead. They are definitely going to win!”
22-“That will be no trouble at all.”
23-“Things are pretty calm at work.”
24-“You’ll have a great time!”
25-“This will be the best vacation ever!” (cue the clouds, cold winds, lost luggage and intense digestion issues)

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Have a great day,
André