It Was Sooo Cold…

Leave it to Ottawa to be a city of extremes when it comes to weather. As I am writing this, we are digging out from a fresh snowfall of 46 cm (18 inches) of snow in a 15 hour period… and still counting. And this is two days after a weekend that wasn’t just chilly… It wasn’t just cold… It was spine-tingling, bone chillingly frigid at -28 degrees Celsius, but with the wind, was said to feel like -42.

Having grown up in Ottawa, one of the coldest world capitals, I will admit that weather events like these are not much of a shock to the system anymore, but it warms my heart to think of the possibilities of ways that we can joke about it.

This past weekend, it was sooo cold…

– Even teenagers were wearing long pants.
– My chattering teeth destroyed my night guard.
– I vacuum just to warm up.
– My Microsoft Windows are frosted.
– I sweat icicles.
– My long underwear needs long underwear.
– Popsicles aren’t that cool anymore.
– Every birthday cake is an ice cream cake.
– My windows are shivering.
– I have to factor in an extra 10 minutes before any departure, for all the extra layers of clothing.
– Even my prayer plant is rubbing its hands.
– The new plastic money in my wallet is cold and stiff, which must be where the saying “cold hard cash” came from.
– My neighbour’s dog can get his business done in 9 seconds.
– My cat likes mocking the neighbour’s dog from her indoor perch, boasting about her indoor plumbing arrangement.
– Beer is always cold.
– Feather pillows are considering flying south.
– I need to wear footwear two sizes bigger on account of all the extra woolly socks.
– My furnace is seeking union representation about getting a 15 minute break.
– I microwave my coffee every 5 minutes.
– I open the refrigerator door for heat.
– The numbers on my digital thermometer won’t move.
– I refrain from jumping on the leather sofa for fear of breaking a hip.
– I need a chainsaw to cut into the butter left on the kitchen counter.
– I reflect on why my ancestors chose to settle here in the first place.
– There are just not enough blankets in the world.
– My cat doesn’t want me to pet her, my hands are too cold.
– My eye drops come out as snowflakes.
– Even the movie Frozen doesn’t seem that cold anymore.
– Even the dust bunnies are hibernating.
– Even my goosebumps are staying in.
– Even spring doesn’t want to visit.

Did you enjoy this post? If you did, please know that there are plenty more where that came from! If you haven’t already, you can check out the rest of my blog at andrebegin.net. From there, you can click on the “Follow” button to receive future posts directly in your inbox.
Also, don’t be shy, feel free to tell a friend or to share the link.
Sincere thanks for reading!
Have a great day,
André

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