ANDRE BEGIN

Given that my partner and I both live with food intolerance, I am always on the lookout for new recipes to add to our family’s repertoire. However, I must confess to recipe book authors that the following don’t lend themselves to a recipe I might want to try:

– A list of ingredients longer than our usual grocery lists.

– A list of instructions that goes on for pages.

– Instructions that require hovering over the stovetop for hours.

– Instructions that are guaranteed to dirty every pot and pan in the kitchen.

– The absolute deal-breaker: Instructions that involve leaving something uncovered in the oven at a high temperature, which will likely splatter and require a big oven cleaning after.

Maybe it’s age. Maybe it’s an energy thing. Maybe it’s a priorities thing. But I am at a point when I see a recipe and know when to turn the page, saying to myself, “Not gonna happen.”

Even though I line the bottom of the oven with aluminum foil to catch errant drips, to try more ambitious recipes, I wish I could cover every surface of the oven in anticipation of sizzling, splattering messes. Unfortunately, the laws of gravity make that a little challenging.

Since moving to the country where we have a well and septic system, I am much more cautious in my use of chemical products for cleaning, opting instead for more natural solutions. But baked, broiled, and burnt messes are my arch enemies when it comes to oven cleaning.

Also, with a 60-year-old spine that is prone to disc issues, cleaning the oven can be a bit of a production. With the oven door in the way, I find myself contorting into positions the human body probably wasn’t meant to, resulting in my back clicking and popping in ways that could send me to the chiropractor’s office.

Then there’s the matter of the intense cramping sensation I feel in my hand from holding tightly dish cloths and scouring pads over the duration of a marathon-length scrubbing session.

I’ve tried the self-cleaning feature on my last oven, but the resulting strong smells that lasted for days (and had me scrubbing walls afterward) were enough of a turn-off to make me think twice before using it again.

Even though I try to talk myself into more ambitious recipes, saying that it is another creative activity I enjoy, it takes a lot of bolstering to convince myself to work on a recipe that involves me sticking my head in the oven for a deep scrub and then having to soak my body in Epsom salts for a prolonged recovery period after.

For that reason, when I read a recipe that I know will make a mess, I’ll flip the page. It doesn’t matter how good the result might sound; no matter how much my curiosity is charged up by the idea of it, I just don’t have it in me anymore. Is it just me?

It saddens me to think that I might be missing out on a delicious dish that might be safe for both of us and that we might both enjoy. But if a recipe takes hours to prepare, makes a mess and requires major clean-up work, for only a few minutes of dining pleasure, it seems like a very high price to pay.

That being the case, when it comes to the fancier, more labour-intensive dishes, I’ll look for them on the menu of the restaurants we visit for special occasions and leave the fuss and clean up to someone else.

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Have a great day,
André