ANDRE BEGIN

I like to think that I treat people with kindness, class, respect and dignity. The challenge in being consistent in that regard is when that treatment is not reciprocated. Similarly, it is hard to be gracious when I am met with walls of negativity and judgement that sometimes have a contagious effect.

To survive in our sometimes not-so-kind world, I managed to develop a pretty thick skin and just enough armour to make my way through life without getting psychologically trampled… well, most times. And when someone did cross the line, I kept them at arm’s length for years to follow. Some might call it a grudge, but I prefer to call it a defense mechanism to prevent it from happening again.

As I head into the second half of my life, I realize that being empathetic, kind-hearted and sensitive is my natural way of being and that’s OK. My challenge is that I sometimes tend to be overly sensitive to others’ feelings, more so than my own, and then I worry about it. The more I tap out my own batteries, the more my resilience pays the price.

Without much effort, I seem able to pick up on the energy around me, positive and negative. That being the case, I often find myself stepping back from certain situations and wondering to myself if I am being too sensitive or to the wrong things.

It’s not a horrible problem in itself. What a wonderful world it would be if people actually did take a moment to care a little more about others rather than taking people down a peg, giving people a piece of their mind and losing sight of the fact that we are all human beings.

Where it becomes a problem is when my sensitivity toward others’ feelings becomes a higher priority than my own.

Over the years, I’ve had my sensitivities overwhelmed by a number of external factors at the same time. During that time, I often felt pushed beyond my limits yet was still determined to be the nice guy, to not make waves and to make sure everyone was happy. Despite all of the energy I was putting into this impossible task, rather than finding a point of peace where everything was right in the universe, this black hole kept sucking more energy. It was making me miserable.

But then I finally got the mental health memo. To return to the guy known for his positive energy, sunny outlook and “relentless cheerfulness”, I needed to strengthen my boundaries and my boundary-setting skills to maintain my energy for my family, my friends, for my work and for my favourite activities.

A recalibration was necessary.

Armed with a heightened degree of self-awareness, I was able to isolate some of the more energy-depleting situations and to build up stronger boundaries around them to minimize their impact.

For example, when people stir up drama, my response is usually flat and without encouragement. I don’t play along. I don’t get involved. To do otherwise is exhausting.

I have moderated my intake of news. When reading news online, I don’t read the comments.

I have accepted that I am not responsible for everyone’s happiness. I am solely responsible for my own.

When faced with stressful or challenging situations, I try to reserve a little buffer time for myself to recharge.

The most challenging change: Getting better at saying no. This means that I am not everyone’s “fixer” and that I cannot be in multiple places at once, physically or psychologically.

In doing so and in asserting myself, my limited supply of energy is reserved for what energizes me, rather than things that overwhelm my sensitivities and tap my energy.

By channeling my energy mindfully and selectively into joyful priorities that matter more to me, I am better able to keep the good vibes circulating, and to continue to approach the important people in my life with kindness, class, respect and dignity.

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Sincere thanks for reading!
Have a great day,
André