ANDRE BEGIN

A few years ago, a good friend mentioned to me how the first few times he met me he thought, “Is he for real?” After getting to know me, he realized that I was a happy, upbeat guy just sharing his good spirit and good energy any chance he gets, with no hidden agenda.

I am not shy about offering someone a smile and taking two seconds to point out something that was well done, to thank someone for their effort or to acknowledge a special skill or perspective that someone brought to the table.

Unfortunately, people have their “BS (bullshit) detectors” set so high that compliments and positive energy are not often received in the good natured spirit with which they were offered.

In today’s reality, instinct (not to mention, survival) tells us to run them through filters for negative attributes first:

“Are they trying to sell me something?”
“Do they want money?”
“Are they trying to use me to further their own agenda?”

I’m not saying that having our BS detectors set to high is a bad thing. I totally accept that it is justified to keep ourselves safe.

However, I wish we could go back to a kinder, gentler time when a compliment was seen as just that, a genuine expression of kindness and appreciation with no agenda.

The sad part is that with each moment that is spent running the compliment through harsh filters, we diminish the generosity with which it was intended. We take away the act of kindness it represented and we devalue its intended purpose: a genuine opportunity for human connection and acknowledgement.

Isn’t that what we are all looking for?

This is not new and frankly I have sometimes being called a “suck up”, because I am generous with compliments… sincere ones.

Everyone has a tough journey in life and I know that the right words at the right time can make all the difference, especially when it comes from a complete stranger.

That’s it! There are no ulterior motives. I do not expect anything in return.

I like to think that sometimes people go home at night and say, “I was having a rough day, and you’ll never believe what this total stranger said to me”, referring to a compliment or kind word I extended, which helped changed the direction of their day, even if just for a moment.

We hear all too often of people with an exaggerated sense of self-entitlement who treat people like crap and who use every trick in the book to do it including compliments. I would like to think I am making up for them in my own way, but it is an uphill battle.

Unfortunately, at one time or another, we have all extended latitude to someone who played the compliment card and then used it against us. As the saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”. The wall then goes up slowly one brick at a time, gradually closing ourselves off from receiving those gestures of kindness.

My wish is for there to be a better balance.

There is no harm in taking the compliment at face value, acknowledging it and THEN to raise the wall immediately thereafter. A compliment can be about being supportive, being kind, in a moment of friendship, respect or admiration with truly “no strings attached”. Don’t miss it!

Delivering a compliment does not have to make someone a suck up and accepting a compliment does not have to make someone vulnerable.
Knowing the difference can make a subtle gesture of kindness a game-changer in an otherwise tough day.

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Sincere thanks for reading!
Have a great day,
André