Tag Archives: rules

Accepting that Poop Happens

My apologies for the vulgarity in the title, but please be forewarned that the word “poop” will come up a few times in this post.

Back when I lived in the city, in a development of townhomes grouped together quite cozily, one of my biggest pet peeves was people who walked their dogs and didn’t clean up after them.

I recall on one occasion opening my window when witnessing an owner letting their dog do its business and not picking it up. I cleared my throat and shouted “EXCUSE ME! Are you going to clean that up?”

They ignored me and just jogged into the distance like it never happened. As much as I would have liked to run out, pick it up and throw it at them, I like to think I’m classier than that.

But it was a next door neighbour with a German shepherd that pushed the boundaries and my buttons. They’d let their dog roam on a very long leash, into my backyard to relieve itself.

The burns in the grass from the urine were bad enough but it was the accumulating fecal matter that was the issue, despite my repeated objections and requests for them to clean up after their dog.

The only time they seemed to respond to my texts was after a snowfall, when the droppings weren’t visible anymore, and say, “Sorry, we’ll try better next time” … How thoughtful of them! Continue reading

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Filed under Humour, mental health, stories

Top 10 Unwritten Rules of Wearing White Pants

whitepantsWhether you are a traditionalist, wearing white pants between Easter and Labour Day, or a rebel and pushing the envelope after Labour Day, did you notice that there seems to be a few rules that go with wearing white pants, even though no one really talks about them?

When I have seen people defying these rules, I have been known to gasp out loud. I have even commented that they are braver than I would ever be and that they must be adrenaline junkies who like to live on the edge. Perhaps it’s just my overall lack of coordination that makes me say that.

Either way, I know there has been much dialogue about the “rule” of whether white pants should be worn between Labour Day and Easter, but I think there is a more elaborate set of rules on which I am certain we can all agree.

Here they are, the top 10 unwritten rules of when not to wear white pants:

10 – When carrying a coffee in an open cup or mug (without a lid)

That one drop of coffee on the white pants is not only hard to get out, but it seems to stick around the whole day.

9 – When using a pencil

I don’t know what it is but when I walk around with a piece of paper containing work done in pencil, that will be the time it will smudge… and more than likely, on the pants.

8 – When using condiments

If I must eat a hamburger or hot dog, it is best eaten at a table, or else I will forego the mustard or ketchup. With the latter, I don’t want my pant leg to look like a barber pole.

7 – When cleaning

Let’s face it, white pants attract dust and dirt without really trying. I don’t like walking around looking like a big “Swiffer” Continue reading

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Filed under Humour, Lists

Tales From the Express Lane

In May 2001, I posted an entry on my web site (which was actually a blog before blogs became popular) called “The Rules of the Express Lane” which seemed to attract a fair bit of attention from my friends and family. From the positive response I received, I gathered that everyone had experienced similar creative interpretations of what the Express Lane was for. To this day, the Express Lane still seems to be an irritant for many given our busy lifestyles… and given the glares I have witnessed people give each other, so I thought it might be interesting to dust off that story, update it and post it for your reading pleasure:

In my many years of visiting supermarkets and super-duper-markets, I have noticed that there are two kinds of shoppers:

First you have the “one-time” grocery shoppers. They are usually the ones who shop once every two weeks or more. They are the ones with the largest grocery carts possible, overflowing with edibles, leaving a trail of squished grapes, celery leaves and laundry powder behind them. These are the folks who should have a special cart with a loud beep-beep coming out of it should they need to attempt to U-Turn or back out of a busy aisle.. which they usually have to do a few times, for some reason. By the time they have completed the three-hour excursion through the store, the lettuce has wilted and the frozen food is ready for serving. Continue reading

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Filed under Humour, stories