As much as turning 50 brought a host of wonderful new things, there are also a few less interesting rites of passage awaiting, for example, the first colonoscopy.
For me, the procedure itself went fine, it was the liquid diet and preparation for the procedure that was a raw deal, in more ways than one, but it had its funny moments nonetheless.
So pull up a stool… here is a loose retelling of the preparation work in my colonoscopy countdown:
6:00 p.m.: Arrived home from work. Fed the cat. Took two Dulcolax, as per the instruction sheet and mixed the packet of Purg-Odan in a big glass of water. Went to Swiss Chalet for the “final supper” (before the liquid diet begins).
7:00 p.m.: With dinner over, running a few quick errands to get ready for tomorrow’s liquid diet. Stopped by the grocery store for ginger ale, apple juice, white grape juice, Gatorade and electrolyte enriched popsicles.
7:30 p.m.: Feeling a few stomach cramps… it’s not working already, is it?
7:45 p.m.: Ran into a friend I hadn’t seen in 15 years while cramps were intensifying. Starting to stand in awkward positions, “clenching” just in case.
8:00 p.m.: Got home and confirmed that the products were indeed starting to work.
8:15p.m.: Made lime Jello in anticipation of the next day’s liquid diet. Took out the frozen home-made chicken stock from the freezer to thaw.
8:30 p.m.: Further confirmation that the products were working.
8:45 p.m.: Re-read the instruction sheet and wondering if I took the Purg-Odan a day early?
9:00 p.m.: further confirmation that the products were working.
9:30 p.m.: confirmation again…
10:00 p.m.: all is calm, all is bright. Retired to the bedroom with a ginger ale and a popsicle in hand, thinking that this liquid diet thing might not be so bad after all.
7:00 a.m.: Awakened by Miss Hungry Cat Continue reading