Tag Archives: Murphy’s Law

My Love/Hate Relationship with Software Updates

As a blogger and as a writer, a well-functioning computer is absolutely essential to ensure the smooth flow of ideas from the brain to the device.
But to get to that point, do the software updates have to be so long, painful and intrusive?

Whether at home or at the office, it seems that computers have a mind of their own when it comes to updates. Even though I have Windows Update on a strict schedule to seek, download and process updates in the middle of the night (an option for which I am so-o-o-o grateful), it’s the other software applications that need to take a lesson if they don’t want to be deleted from my life.

How many times do I have a glimmer of creative brilliance, only for my keyboard to stop responding in the middle of it, as a dialogue box pops up telling me to save all my work for an urgent update that will download in 5 minutes? Of course, as Murphy’s Law has it, updates like this happen most in the middle of corporate emergencies with tight deadlines. Stupid machine!

On another occasion, I showed up for work knowing I had a meeting 5 minutes after my arrival. I just needed to see where the meeting was being held and I would be on my merry way. But no! My computer wouldn’t allow me to check my calendar as it needed to make an update as soon as I got in. Why couldn’t it do it just before I arrived, when it was on but idle? Stupid machine! Since then, before leaving the office, I review my calendar for the next day in case of early meetings… just in case! Continue reading

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Top 10 Things That Murphy’s Law Taught Me

Elevator

10 – Things entitled “easy instructions”, “so simple even a child can do it” or “5 simple steps”, rarely are.

9 – The days I am running late for work are the days the cat will plop down in front of the door or the staircase as if to say “You’re not going anywhere, Mister”.

8 – The days I have an eye appointment and will receive the pupil dilating drops, it is guaranteed that it will be a bright sunny day and never a single cloud in the sky.

7 – No matter how much advance research I make before a major purchase, people will only share their worst horror stories about a product AFTER I’ve made the purchase.

6 – The less time I have for something, the longer it will take. Continue reading

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How Am I Klutzy, Let Me Count the Ways

Emergency SignI wouldn’t consider myself accident-prone, but the contents of my medicine cabinet and bathroom vanity seem to tell a different story. The generous supply of adhesive bandages, support bandages, patches, gauze, antiseptics, antibiotic creams, ointments, drops and analgesics are evidence that this household is relatively well-prepared for when slapstick and life collide.

I have been very fortunate in that I have never broken a bone, but when it comes to bumps, sprains, scrapes and very minor accidents, I have experienced more than my fair share. Shoppers Drug Mart and Rexall shareholders, you are welcome!

I take inspiration from Elizabeth Barrett Browning when I ask: “How am I klutzy? Let me count the ways…”

– When I was very young, I was fascinated with automatic opening doors. When I was 4, I was “testing” the doors at a nearby mall and unfortunately missed my cue and crashed into a closing door.

– I am told that at a school concert in kindergarten, where I played the conductor at our school band’s brilliant rendition of “Pop Goes the Weasel” apparently I fell off my podium in rehearsals. I have no recollection of this incident and will continue to deny it, but without video evidence, I admit that anything is possible.

– When I was 8 or 9, I remember a wobbly tooth that wouldn’t come out. Dad suggested I tie dental floss around it and attach the other end to a door, and to close it. I was never a master of physics, but I probably should have asked someone to check my work before proceeding with the experiment. When I slammed the door, the tooth didn’t come out… and the door bounced back into my face causing a bloody nose. Continue reading

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25 Ways to Jinx Things

On a recent drive to work, I marvelled at how traffic seemed unusually better. It was mid-week, there should have been more traffic, there was a light snow falling, the roads were a little greasy, there could have been accidents, but I was making it to work in record time. I was one exit away from my destination when I dared to say out loud “Wow, I made it in good time!”

BIG MISTAKE!… HUGE!

As soon as I turned the corner after that big overpass, there were line-ups galore. There was indeed an accident ahead, backing up traffic in all lanes. You would think I would have known better.

It just seems that I have a talent for making joyful upbeat comments like that and then for something to come along and prove me wrong… within seconds.

I think it’s a talent, my partner thinks otherwise. Funny enough, he knows exactly when I am about to say one of those, as I don’t even have to open my mouth and he will interject with a smile, “Don’t say it!”, pre-empting my overly positive observation. But he is absolutely right.

Similarly, have you ever noticed how a fresh litter box will usually get a cat’s bladder or bowels (or both) moving within minutes? Or how a clean kitchen floor becomes an instant food magnet? These are the types of situations I am referring to.

I am not suggesting that the litter box or kitchen should not be cleaned. Quite the contrary, keep those spotless, but don’t forget to laugh when your bright and sunny achievement is suddenly obscured by big dark clouds. It is just proof that life itself comes with sense of humour too.

I hear I am not alone. Do you recognize any of these sayings which usually lead to less than ideal results?

1-“It’s late February and I still haven’t caught a cold this season”.
2-“That wasn’t so hard” (before the task has been fully completed).
3-“I haven’t had a speeding/parking ticket in x years”.
4-“I haven’t had an accident in x years.
5-“Hey, it’s been weeks since (insert name of pet) has jumped on a counter”.
6-“That has never happened to me!”
7-“We made good time (before arriving).”
8-“Oh good, the line/queue is finally moving.” Continue reading

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A Collection of Random Observations – The Sequel

Last November, I posted “A Collection of Random Observations” which seemed to trigger a new hobby in searching and logging those weird moments in life that make you go “Hmmm”. Here is the next installment for your reading pleasure. Can you relate to some of these?

Have you ever noticed?…

People will provide the best advice and worst horror stories about a product or service AFTER you have made the purchase.

Seedless watermelon… how do they make more?

“We hope you enjoy our new store layout” loosely translates to “We’ve moved everything. Good luck!”

Things that are “designed to…” sometimes don’t.

If you leave limes in the fridge too long, they turn green too… or is it that they remain green?

The person who invented “red-eye flights” had to be someone who could easily fall asleep on planes. I am not one of them. After a good number of “red-eye flights”, regardless of how tired I am or what supplements I take to try to induce sleep, I have yet to arrive at any destination looking fresh as a daisy.

If you use dental floss to remove food particles from between your teeth, what do you use to remove dental floss stuck between your teeth? Continue reading

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A Christmas Story… in Murphy’s Law style

(re-post from 2013, in case you missed it)

Back in 1995, one of our local newspapers, The Ottawa Sun, held a contest in which they asked readers to send in their best “Holiday Horror Stories”. Despite the title, they were just looking for lighthearted stories recounting when holiday festivities didn’t go as planned. I knew exactly which story to tell, and that was the holiday of 1992 when Murphy’s Law was alive and well at my apartment! I decided to put my true story to prose to give it a little more of a comedic lilt. Sure enough, I made it to the winner’s circle and the Sun published a few excerpts from the poem. My prize was a pair of tickets to a fabulously swanky New Year’s Eve bash. Unfortunately, Murphy wasn’t finished with me yet, as I came down with an ear infection and couldn’t go.

I still get a chuckle when I read this one, and I hope you enjoy it too!

A Christmas Story (written in December 1995)

T’was the morning of Christmas in 1992,
When I woke in the morning with a lousy flu,
“What rotten timing, oh please go away”,
I thought to myself as I started the day.

Got out of bed, in my feverish haze,
And checked my list for the plans of the day.
A cake to make, a shower to take,
A shirt to press, and gifts to dress.

With things to do, all due by two,
I downed my Dimetapp and vitamin C, too.
Put on my housecoat since the morning chill
Had frosted the window and adjoining sill. Continue reading

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The Clock Radio Journey

Last year, when I was asked what I wanted for my birthday, the one thing that stood out in my mind as a “need” was a new clock radio. By virtue of the fact that I am calling it a clock radio should be a hint as to how old my previous one was. Nonetheless, that was the idea I put forth with the idea that I am looking for one that could play a tune on my iPhone, hoping that my request wouldn’t be too much trouble, although it seemed like a simple enough birthday wish. Little did I know that this would be a catalyst for a journey and a half.

When my birthday came around, I received a most handsome docking station that was exactly what I wanted! Compact; suitable for docking an iPhone 4; could wake up to my favourite tune; easy to read display (without having to put on my glasses in the middle of the night) – it was perfection. Who could ask for anything more? My life was complete! It got even better as I Continue reading

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